In the climb up the veterinary practice ladder to hospital director, friendships often suffer. It is not the old corporate ladder cliche of "Remember who you stepped on as you climbed the ladder to success, because you'll meet them on your way down", but rather, it is a factor of our dedication to building the client service. Clients came before family, and family usually came before the friendships. Yet psychologists believe these friendship ties may be crucial to our mental health.

A true friend generally is a nonjudgmental companionship, without hidden agendas about budgets, children, or equal rights under the law. It is someone who shares a space with you in a given time, usually out of the family or practice routine environment. It is someone who knows you for what you are, without the degrees or other status symbols, and likes you as a person. It is someone who lets us enjoy life as we find it. They are rare finds, and the relationships deserve to be nurtured.

Balancing Stress and Maintaining Friendships

"The stress levels people encounter in the work place needs a balance," says Arlena Marino, a New York-based psychologist, who often counsels corporate leaders. "That balance can be achieved through meaningful relationships that are non-work-related and in which we communicate at different levels."

Many veterinarians, however, find it difficult, if not impossible, to maintain friendships, for a variety of reasons. A veterinarian who has moved just outside the covenant set by the previous employer may find the professional situation awkward, particularly if many of the clients follow.

Veterinarians feel the crush of time and often reschedule a lunch with a friend, because it was the only expendable item in a busy appointment book. "If he's really my friend, he'll understand," the veterinarian thinks. The friend who is put off frequently may decide that the relationship is not worth the bother. Here are some suggestions to maintain friendships:

 Make the time. Realize that relaxing with an old friend isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. You must plan for "eye" time; as in, "I need to do this now!". That time should include getting together with friends, old and new.

 Take turns initiating the meetings. The phone rings two ways, and don't let friends feel any different. Someone who always calls you may begin to feel he or she is forcing you into the relationship.

 Keep in touch other ways. When a time-consuming case prevents you from leaving the practice, send a note or make a personal phone call to let your friend know that you still care.

 Be creative in finding time for friends. Arrange meetings at the health club, dog show, shopping mall, or wherever your weekend errands will take you.

 Learn to handle success -- both your own and others'. Rejoice when that junior associate splits off and sets up a few miles away. Be glad for his family, acknowledge the success, even if you are having trouble reaching your goals. If the situation is reversed, avoid flaunting the obvious problems of a new practice, or the security of the established practice.

 Stress old friendships. New friends from the block, from the practice, or from the community have a lot to offer, but it is through long-term relationships that you will derive the understanding and nurturing you need.

Partners - Staff - Friendships: Commitment to Action

As you finish reading this chapter, put down the magazine, pick up the telephone, and dial your partner, a staff member, or a friend with whom you haven't been able to communicate recently. Commit boldly. Make a date to meet and enjoy the renewed conversations. Decide that it feels so good that you will set a personal goal to make time for a renewed friendship every week, and you will continue at least one more each week. Two friendship times per week is not asking too much of your time. And the rewards will be many, especially in your own stress reduction. And remember, the friends will gain also, so it is the true win-win situation.

From the first breath at birth, we begin dying. Do not fear it.
Rather, live every day to it's fullest and celebrate life. - Dr. Tom Cat

One day, eventually, you will take a final breath and those around you will mourn, although the amount may be variable. Nevertheless, they will dispose of the carcass, which was your mortal being. No one has been able to beat this scenario -- no one!

The day you die, somewhere children will be playing with puppies, kittens will be purring, and a soft breeze will be blowing through the trees. But you won't be able to experience or feel these things. Sweet music will be playing for some, but you won't be able to hear it.

The stars will come out on a clear, crisp, fall evening, and in the Rockies, away from the roar of the city, they will seem to twinkle. This is a special experience I first encountered, as a young adult, but won't be able to experience once more on the day I die. Remember the candlelit meals, the quiet conversations in front of the fireplace, the love that was made -- but none of it will continue for you. You have ceased to exist.

Get the picture, morbid and maudlin as it is? Good! Think about it. Life is short and fleeting. There is nothing smart about wasting time on things that don't matter. Nothing is sillier than losing the perspective that you are going to die. Ponder this irrevocable fact for a while.

Now ponder the importance of the following:

 The local pet super store has reduced a practice's dog food trade, which is a very low net, client convenience, line item in healthcare delivery.

 How crucial is that "due out" drug? What did the practice use before it was invented?

 When was the last time you took the time to train and develop a staff member, rather than "constructively" criticize or just quickly "correct" the person's behavior. Which type of encounter really makes you feel better at the end of the day?

 Will that clinic down the street really cause your practice to die, or will it just cause the team to change practice ways to better meet the client needs?

 Is it really important for you to get your way, especially if the alternative was death and the decision was final?

I now ask you to ponder these perspectives for a while.

You are trading your life for a sack of coins each week. Time is precious. You've spent weeks, maybe months, actually years, getting to where you are. Where are you really? For some, a half of your life is gone, or maybe a third, or maybe almost all of it. The reality is that what is left is all that you have to trade. It can evaporate as fast as what went before, leaving you with only the rocking chair on the porch, and the nurse feeding you strained, bland, tasteless goop. If you think I'm being harsh about this, you're right. It is harsh. One day in the near future you will fall over -- ka pow! You'll turn cold and blue, no longer be able to smell fresh bread, taste a sweet peach, or hear a robin in the spring. It will be over!

As far as we can scientifically tell, this is your only chance at life. This is the one and only opportunity to experience it with all your senses. It has taken Mother Nature and evolution a long time to put the "modern" human here -- a few million years at least. What are you going to do with it now that you have it? What are you doing that really counts, for you, for others, and for the world in general? Do you wake up each day excited and eager, or are you one who searches for the snooze button every day and dreads the rising of the sun? Press that snooze button a few more times and your one and only life just may be over before you are ready.

I visit practices where partners fight the compromises required to let the staff enjoy their lives, sometimes with the clients, the staff, the partners, or worse, with themselves.

In other locations, we find the practice where the staff sees the boss as the enemy. Or, perhaps, the colleagues down the street are perceived as the enemy. Rather than the rigid nature of the practice paradigms, "We've always done it that way", are there no better alternatives to add to the staff harmony and improve the internal practice environment?

The saddest scenario is the practitioner who is frustrated with practice, whose pursuit of the sack of coins has replaced the original caring reasons for going to veterinary school. The vision is lost, and the dream has become a nightmare. The professional health care provider has become the professional pessimist.

If your daily quest does not light your fire, look at the fuel. The sack of coins cannot replace the warm fuzzy feelings found when delivering your first litter of puppies, grafting your first lamb twin on a new ewe, or seeing the happiness and pride in the eyes of a child, who you have just helped to learn a new skill as part of life's adventures.

Look for what inspires you to seek excellence, what causes pride in the team, of the things that are held high as standards for all to admire. Only you can do this for yourself, and you'd better start now. Your last breath may be around the corner. The end is waiting for you, and you don't know how far away it really is. Be cheerful about the fact that you have discovered this reality now, rather than after the fact, when worms and dust are your only companions.

Remember, you are going to die, so now is the time to lead a glorious life. Don't sweat what you cannot affect. Make the difference in your own sphere of influence. This is a step toward the inner peace needed to bring harmony into your daily life. As someone once said, all worldly things are brief, like lightning in the sky, a splash of a rain drop, or a twinkling of an eye. Therefore, set your noble goal. Make use of every day and night to achieve it. Become a leader in your practice and profession, and move the bar upward for all that follow. For more details, review the text Building the Successful Veterinary Practice: Leadership Tools and/or the VCI® Signature Series Monograph Leadership Principles & Skills.